"Drivers today are indeed better drivers than the drivers in the olden days.. It isn't that cars were just invented in the past.. It's just that the drivers nowadays can drive while still talking on the phone :P"
"I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm here" before.. I was like "Dude, of course I know you are here lah.., if not?" Then, one day while I was driving on a road and at the same time talking on the phone, I saw a guy crossing the road wearing exactly the same t-shirt, I was like "What the..? Again??" But after a short while, while I was still on the phone, I thought about it again.. I guessed I finally knew what the "I'm here" meant :P"
"When I'm out and on the move, I like to fiddle my phone 24/7, this is why I always like the escalators more :P"
"There was a pretty woman who walked past me & I heard her picking up her phone & said "Hello".. Within seconds, she pulled the phone off from her ear & yelled at it "Hell no!!!" (Me: Woah, that was extreme..) :P"
"What's a harlem shake?
Past 2 weeks: Err.. Some kind of drinks??
Past 1 week: Err.. Shake your harlem pants till they dry off??
Now: Oh.. Ok ok.. I get it :P"
"That awkward moment when you enter into a lift with some others, & as the doors close, you see someone wearing a helmet rushing in, & someone's phone rings, & the tone is that Harlem Shake song.. (then you mutter to yourself: "Oh shit" *put your head on the lift wall*) :P"
"CNY's eve: Working mode, OFF; Holiday mode, ON..
Post CNY (on the 9th day): Holiday mode, OFF; Monday's blues, ON :P"
"That awkward moment when you mistakenly send a Valentine's day wish to your ex-girlfriend (uh-oh..) :P"
"Congratulations to all the non-single brothers out there who manage to survive post-Valentine's apocalypse *pat on your back* :P"
"Pick-up line: "I won't buy u drinks.. I will only buy u kisses.." :P"
"Pick-up line: Please don't look into the mirror.. 'Cos you look pretty fine to me :P"
"Pickup line: *While in the club* I have been waiting for a good song to be played... Till you come around.. :P"
"How to pick up a chick who doesn't know Thai language: *whispering into the chick's ear* "Sawadeekupppp".. "Do you know what that means in Thai? It means u're very pretty" :P"
"Whenever I read those tweets people tweet on Twitter, I can understand how lonely they are.. When I go back to Facebook, I feel the same way too :P"
"Pick-up line in a Library: "Hi, if you need any help, yup, I'm used to be a librarian" :P"
"That awkward moment when you were tossing Yee Sang and yelling "Huat arr! Huat arr!", then suddenly someone's jaw of fake teeth landed on the yee sang, and everybody went silent and all the chopsticks held in mid-air :P"
"The next level of swimming is not scuba diving, it's Mahjong!! :P"
"Well, it's Monday's blues but I'm seeing red :P"
"At night, sleeping to the sound of firecrackers.. In the morning, waking up to the sound of lion dance drumbeats :P"
"Yay! It's Chinese New Year! It's time to stare more at my phone :P"
"Gong Ssst.. Fa Cai!!"
"As this is the snake year, shouldn't they put ssst ssst sound (snake's hissing) into those Chinese New Year songs played on the radio station? Hmm.. :P"
"Why do they call it as Chinese New Year shopping when it is done "before" Chinese New Year leh? :P"
"Hollywood: Batman begins..
KL pre CNY: Jam begins.. :P"
"If you go to the back of my car & look through the rear window, you would see a sign that reads "Thanks for cutting queue, I no longer need an excuse to call you an @$$hole" Lol :P"
"I didn't know snakes can actually piss alot.. (sorry for my crude-ity or my crudeness (is there such a word? Lol..)) :P"
"Jack: All work & no play make him a dull boy..
KL: All rain & no shine make her uncool :P"
"We never realize that as humans, we actually have some animalistic instincts within us.. This is why whenever we go to Mid Valley, the toilets are always crowded ('Cos these shoppers there are too "eager" to claim the whole shopping mall as their territory) :P"
"The perk of having eaten a heavy meal & not feeling guilty about it: you would only get fat in at least another 24 hours :P"
"Whenever someone has done some bad things to us, we would feel like we want to lash out at the person, but deep inside we know it wouldn't clear away the pain of being hurt.. Same goes to when a mosquito has gone and bite us, we would feel like we want to kill the mosquito immediately, but deep inside we know that it wouldn't clear away the itch :P"
"Who says life never slows down in KL? #jam"
"The dilemma of having slimmed down is that you still think you are fat :P"
"Taylor Swift on boyfriends: I knew you were trouble when you walked in..
KL drivers on KL highways: I knew you were trouble when I turned in.. :P"
"I never know Paramore is a fan of the opposition: "If there's a future, we want it, now now now-ow-ow-ow-ow!!!" :P"
"If you are using Maxis, you would be a fan of Twitter.. If you are using Digi, you would be a fan of Facebook.. But if you have Unifi at home, you would be a fan of Youtube :P"
"Well, summer is coming soon, it's time to change your worn-out shades!! Err.. I don't mean the 3D glasses, I mean the curtains (this time) :P"
"Smartphones would usually vibrate when there's a notification on a social network or there's a new email (on a silent mode).. Now, seeing that they are merging tablets and laptops, I wonder whether one day ultrabook & tablet could also vibrate when they receive a notification :P"
"There's a reason why people post nonsense on their Facebook wall, it's not because they're are muka buku, it's because they're all muka tembok :P"
"Why a papan kenyataan is called a "papan kenyataan"? Is it because whatever we paste on it would become "kenyataan"?
"With all the Tweets people posted on Twitter are all nonsense, why am I still addicted to them? Lol.. #nocomplaint"
"Last time, when I was still working, I always woke up with dread for the busy day before me.. Now, I always wake up with excitement for the day ahead of me *check Twitter & Facebook for updates*"
"No money, no honey.. & definitely no poney :P #westernjoke"
"No pain, no gain, but rain :P #malaysianweather"
"I remember once I went to the kitchen, my father was cutting a papaya, he offered me some, but I declined.. As I went across the living room, I realized that the TV was left switched on, its volume was even audible from the kitchen (obviously my dad's doing), & it was tuned to the Travel Channel.. At that point, I knew I just had a Haruki Murakami-esque moment with my dad :P"
"Sometimes my dad is like a cat.. Usually, when I came back from a trip, he would usually finish the snacks I brought back home, however, sometimes, he would leave some untouched & I would always wonder why.. I figured it out in the end.. It turned out he didn't like them :P"
"While we were hungrily waiting for our dishes to arrive during dinner, I didn't wonder whether the next table of 8 could finish their yee sang.. But why they didn't even invite us for a bite!! They were so harsh! Lol (the yee sang was too appetizing) :P"
"The definition of a hot seat: Feeling the heat of a person who has just occupied the seat :P #airasia #hotseat #joke"
"I think you guys know the answer to why the tiger in the picture of the Tiger beer is male & not female.. How about the "sister" beer of the Tiger beer? It's beer "Bintang" 'cos harimau bintang :P #beerjoke
"When you're in KL, it's actually very easy to break a record, just drive home in 30 mins (during a state holiday) #kljoke"
"When my friend was driving in Cheras (he doesn't stay in Cheras), he asked me whether it was a one-lane or a two-lane road, I said it was two-lane :P #cherasjoke"
"If Cameron Highlands is famous for its strawberries, then KL is famous for its what? Its jam :P #kljoke"
"The awkward moment when your soup spoon slides into your soup :P"
"When your mom asks you something like whether you want to watch a movie titled "Mama", can you really resist it? The answer is really NO (Yup, she's a horror movie fan..) Lol.. :P"
"Home.. What is home?
Home is just an illusion..
You actually don't belong to anywhere..
Home is actually not a location,
Home is when you accept there is no home.. :P"
"When I was washing my bowl, I automatically felt like I wanted to fill up the bowl! Lol.. #everydropisprecious"
"As I walked past some houses in my neighbourhood, I heard someone playing CNY songs already!! Lol.. :P"
"Today I went to a mamak stall & ordered a milo panas.. Later, when the drink arrived, I asked the mamak "How much?".. He said "Tiga Ringgit, bang.." (for kecik one).. Then, I asked him back why it was so expensive.. Then, he said "tarak air mah, ape nak buat?" while shaking his head :P"
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